Anyone else know what it’s like to be in love with a man with kids. Am I right to end it?

Basically I’m going to be 100% honest with you. I just want to know if anyone empathizes with me. And your opinions on the way I feel. BTW I am 26 years old, was 23 when I started the relationship.

I have just ended a three year relationship with a man I was very much in love with because I just couldn’t handle the fact he had children with another woman. Lots of things about it bothered me and they began to eat away at me and I felt like I was becoming a bad person.

1) I was jealous that he had kids with another woman. That he’d done the whole pregnancy thing twice with her, held her hand, been to scans and the births. The jealously was overwhelming. (BTW I have never before considered myself to be in any way a jealous person)

2) I didn’t like being with him AND his kids. I didn’t like how I had to behave maturely and not be able to be ‘cute’ with him. I didn’t like having to wait in line for affection, and got jealous that they were first. It has made me realise I cannot share, and will not try again, unless it involves me him and OUR children. I actually think this is natural instinct for a woman, to seek full security and support from her man.

3) The little girl looked just like her mother, and him loving her was as good as him loving his ex. (Stupid and unreasonable I know. But I just couldn’t help the burning hurt inside)

4) I didn’t like the idea that he was supporting another woman financially, yes the money was for the children, but the fact was, she was living in a 3 bedroom house with mortgage, while we were in a rented flat. I saw it as him paying the house expenses and her getting to lavish her own money on herself and the children. Then if a new man came along, she’d have two mens incomes. Where if I had children with him, I’d only get half of ones for my own children. Plus, I just felt like he was hers and always would be. (I actually liken it to a weird type of polygamy)

5)Most stupid of all, he never put me as the wallpaper on his phone, it was always of them. My relationship before him, me and my partner only ever had pictures of each other on our phone screen. It hurt a lot never to be on his. I wanted to put him on mine but never did because of that, so just put me cat on instead – that made me feel like a bit of a loser too.

6) The youngest was 18 months when they split. I always felt like it was wrong for him to have left with them so young, it really bothered me. I would sit thinking about how if they were together, the kids could live in a nicer house and go to better schools, as they’d have both parents incomes, instead of him paying rent on another place, and obviously spending it on me too. I know that is weird, but it’s probably down to my own father always saying how children come first. If a man chooses to have children with a woman he should see it through to the end, no matter what, he made his bed.

I ended it yesterday and told him a bit of a watered down account of the above, but admitted the whole situation had made me, jealous, bitter and resentful (something I would never dream I could be like 3 years ago). The problem in the end was I just loved and wanted him too much. I am really upset at the moment as i will miss him dearly. But all day I have had a great feeling that a big weight has been lifted, and the prospect of a future with a man who does not have kids fills me with hope (BTW I know there can be many other issues in relationships other than kids, it’s just the way I feel now, all the resentment has just disappeared and I feel like my old self)

Anyone else out there know how I feel?
@Matt’s 3rd Account

I probably do need to grow up. But the point is I have admitted how I feel and said I just can’t help it and now removed my self from this situation. An I am 26! Not 46. There are loads of men my age without kids out there!
@Prosella

Mine was an older man too. He has his kids approx. 30% of the time, because i worked it out. Yet still pays her loads of child support, and we couldn’t afford to buy a house! He asked me to marry him but I kept saying “someday” because although I loved him, I just knew I couldn’t spend my life feeling so out done. I have started to feel really optimistic now. It is amazing how the weight has been lifted overnight, it almost makes up for the hurt of not seeing him. It is very strange, I didn’t imagine it would feel like this. Anyway, I’m going out tonight to have fun with my friends. I’m not looking back. If you are unhappy you CAN change things. WE deserve better!
@Prosella

Mine was an older man too. He has his kids approx. 30% of the time, because i worked it out. Yet still pays her loads of child support, and we couldn’t afford to buy a house! He asked me to marry him but I kept saying “someday” because although I loved him, I just knew I couldn’t spend my life feeling so out done. I have started to feel really optimistic now. It is amazing how the weight has been lifted overnight, it almost makes up for the hurt of not seeing him. It is very strange, I didn’t imagine it would feel like this. Anyway, I’m going out tonight to have fun with my friends. I’m not looking back. If you are unhappy you CAN change things. WE deserve better!
@ Faith

Thanks. x
@ Elizabeth

I knew he had kids after the first date. But had never been with a man with children before, so had no idea of the implications. Plus I didn’t love him then so it didn’t matter to me either way. It was only when I fell in love and envisioned a future with him, with us having kids, and marriage, that the jealously and resentment really started. And it just got worse and worse. I think I actually loved him too much and wanted him too much, as if I didn’t I wouldn’t have minded as much…

Mid-fifties and pregnant with #13. Any midlife moms/grandmas out there pregnant past age 50?

I’m 56 and pregnant and pregnant with my 13th child! I’ve been pregnant in every decade since the 70’s… My husband and I are excited, but shocked, and a little worried. We didn’t expect a new bundle of joy in 2009! But we’re hoping for the best, because we love kids! My others from my first marriage are: 34, 33, 30,28, 26,25…And my second and current marriage: 19, 17, 15, 11, 8, and 6! My husband had no children before me. Big huge gaps! We also have 8 grandchildren: a 15 year old, two 12 year olds, 9, 6, three 5 year olds. We have two more grandbabies due soon as well. So we have grandkids older and the same ages as their uncles and aunts lol!

In my past I have had 4 c-sections, and 2 epidurals, but all the rest natural, and I’m planning a natural home birth for this one. I did this the last time and labor was long but good. So far this pregnancy has been good with little issues here and there most likely because of my age. I am starting to feel older carrying this baby. I am tired more often, and have been experiencing more back pain than I can remember in my past pregnancies. My feet have been swelling up a lot too. Luckily, my oldest children have been great help along with my husband. I have gotten the stares at places like the grocery store. I guess a graying woman with beginning wrinkles and a huge baby belly will make that happen.

Our doc says this baby will be a big one. I am now 20 weeks looking like I’m 23-24 weeks, and I can already feel that too; I’ve got a heavy stomach! People think I’m farther along than I really am! I actually started showing at week 12, some thought there were more than one baby! Usually I’m not that great with pain, but can get through it. During births I tend to breathe deep and can grunt very loudly when the time comes to push. Laboring vocally has always helped me get through contractions, although I’m sure it has not been fun to hear for others around me lol! My concern is how labor will be this time being 56 years old, giving birth to a bigger baby. But I’m determined to do it.

Right now, I’ve only met one other woman in person who has given birth in her mid fifties, and I’m hoping to meet more like me, and/or come across people who can relate here on the web as well. And who can also relate to the “pregnant grandma” status as well… So if you know anyone or you yourself is going through a midlife pregnancy please tell your story! Thankyou

best time for baby #2?

me and my hubby have an 8 month old baby. we are really wanting another one and we don’t want them to be too apart in age. i had a natural birth with no stitches and a wonderful pregnancy with no complications. when is a woman‘s body ready to carry a second baby? i’ve heard 1 year and i’ve also heard 2 years after giving birth. based on my summary of my first pregnancy and birth when do ya’ll think a good time would be to start working on #2??

affects of an epideral on an infant …?

so im due on or around November 20th 2009 .. im 20 years old and this is my first pregnancy [:

so i have so many questions !! mostly about that special day

i originally wanted to do a natural water birth .. i like to think im pretty good with pain but now im having second thoughts ha ha IM FREAKING OUT

id rather not drug my baby ]:

so i ask what are the affects an epideral takes on a baby ?

if i feel its too risky ill bite the bullet and take it like a WOMAN [:

thanks for the help