Michelle answers:

The gel softens the cervix and (if it works) creates a natural labour. Breaking the water forces the baby against the cervix in hopes that the extra pressure will increase dilation. This does not always work and once it is done you are committed to going to the drip. The drip causes the uterus to contract and is a little harder than natural labour but the doctor can adjust the amount given and it is usually quite a bit faster than natural labour. I have done all three (different pregnancies) and found the gel to be the easiest (it worked) and the drip to be the hardest (nothing else worked on that one) but the fastest.

Michelle answers:

Many people regardless of religion do not want to have IVF. As far as your husband wanting a green card, it could be. Has he given you any reason to suspect it is all about a green card? It may be a considering factor but not the determining factor. He may be very happy to know that he can get a green card because of you but if he stays with you after then you know that he loves you. I do know my husband does not want children but mainly because he is scared he will not be a good father. Could it be that that is a secret that your husband has`? A fear? It could be religion too though. I do not know enough about islam to say. Try being calm and speak with him about having a child. If he does not want to have one then it may be best for your marriage if you do not. I am sorry to say that.

Michelle answers:

I think that you pretty much are the incubator. This is what all parties agreed to.
Can you sit her down and tell her that her over-protectiveness is stressing you out?
Perhaps you can talk to your ob/gyn and tell him or her what is going on. In return he or she can talk to your friend.
I think this woman may just feel unappreciated as you do. Her husband got you pregnant the old-fashioned way, and he could not get her pregnant. You are carrying the baby and she might be just very depressed. I think her bossy ways may just be masking her insecurities. I think she needs to feel she has some control of this situation. She may feel totally worthless.
I’m sure things will get back to normal after you have the baby. Good luck and hang in there.

Michelle answers:

You know darlin’, I don’t usually even peek in this section when I answer IVF questions. I have seen some pretty outrageous and hurtful things as someone who can only conceive via IVF. I feel if God did not mean for women to have children via IVF then why did he make us smart enough to learn how to provide it? People say things like God meant for infertile women not to have children but infertility is a disease. Those who believe that God made infertile women do you also believe that God never meant for cancer patients to live? Absolutely not. Take infertility for what it is, a disease for which families have to seek treatment.

We are blessed to have you on this earth and your parents are blessed to have you! It is unfortunate that people base their feelings on what they have heard about IVF, not the truth about it. People like Octomom give this miracle technique a bad rap and that is so unfortunate.

I just have to comment about and to debunk some of the things that Cassie T. Has said. There are many IVF perceptions that are simple not true.

“There was a hospital in Oregon that shut down its heart disease center to make more room for more IVF patients.”

There is no way in God’s earth that a center would turn away a patient with heart disease for an IVF patient. Plus, IVF is an outpatient procedure. A heart disease center may have turned into an IVF clinic but that does not mean that heart disease patients have nowhere else to go. That is absurd.

“Are adopted babies worth less than ones that came out of your vagina?”

Absolutely not but if you have not yourself had the experience of being infertile or not looked into adoption then hold your tongue, please. Adoption is much more complicated than that. Do you also think that an infertile woman wanting to get pregnant is selfish? Have you ever researched adoption? Do you know the cost and the huge cons and risks involved and that there is no guarantee that you will succeed? Do you know that in many cases you are matched, spend thousands of dollars to do so only for the birthmother to change her mind and that this can happen over and over? Does being infertile all of a sudden make these women lose the desire to experience pregnancy and/or have their own biological child? Do you think it’s that easy to let go of the desire to have a child that is part of you and your partner? The LAST thing women who are struggling to have a children want to hear from you is “why don’t you just adopt.” Check out this article and think twice next time you decide to offer this advice, please. Http://orangetangerine.blogspot.com/2007/01/why-dont-you-just-adopt.html Also, look into the adoption sections here on Answers. Read about how some of those adoptees feel about being adopted.

I agree, orphanages are full of needy children and some people can take an orphan in their homes and heart but some cannot. Have you taken in an orphan? A big huge hug to you if you have but if it is not something you have done yourself, keep that advice to yourself. I have not yet but have started the process.

“IVF is not as safe as people might lead you to believe.”

Of course this scared me and I brought this up with our RE. My clinic has been participating in a 15+ year study with over 50,000 women and found NO evidence that assisted reproductive technology (ART) has ANY long term effects to our health. As an IVF “vet” I have done my research as well. A few articles to support that http://archive.newsmax.com/archives/articles/2007/8/13/84259.shtml?s=he
http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/journals/3210000.html

“Children produced using IVF are more likely to suffer a large array of health problems”

Not true. The chance that an IVF baby will have a birth defect has not been definitively answered. That would require a large, rigorous study that followed IVF babies. There have been small insignificant studies where the findings are considered preliminary but researchers believe IVF does not carry excessive risks. There is a 3 percent chance that any given baby will have a birth defect.

“God never meant for me not to have children. That’s not my destiny; that’s just a fork in the road I’m on. I’ve been placed on the road less traveled, and, like it or not, I’m a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven’t let him down.” http://ivf.ca/forums/index.php?showtopic=3120&st=0&p=26171&#entry26171

Edited to add: Cassie your arguments against mine simply hold no weight.

As for the hospital, I did not say “Oh, I’m sure that’s not true.” Read what I said again.

And my “God” comment was meant for all not for you.

Did you look at the studies you provided links to? If so, you would have been able to conclude that the risks, if ANY, are VERY small in SOME studies.

For the first link, “0.72%, compared with 0.45% in the general population.” And “a statistically significant increased risk did emerge from two studies, both of which showed the risk limited to women who had at least 12 cycles of ovarian stimulation.” In reality, most women conceive their first IVF cycle. For others it can take a FEW more. Most simply cannot afford more but for that ONE study was limited to “at least 12 cycles.” Doing that many is extremely rare. I’ve been in this game a long time and have not known one woman who did that many or even came close. Plus that was two studies out of thousands! And the bottom line of that article “Multiple cohort studies of women undergoing IVF procedures showed no increased risk of ovarian cancer.” Case closed.

Here are a couple of quotes taken from the second article “Most studies of IVF suggest there is no increased risk of birth defects compared with natural conception.” And that “the risk is tiny.” The title is scary but not a scary study if you read it and understand a little about statistics and what studies entail.

The last study you posted was about a procedure sometimes used with IVF called assisted hatching and when done an embryo sometimes splits into twins. With twins there can be complications but “only those who have had repeated failed attempts at embryo transfer are normally offered the procedure.” AH is not common. Look at the title of that study! “IVF technique linked to birth defects.” BUT, that study does not even compare natural verses IVF twin birth defects and should hold no weight.

My reality show brain has not lost its ability to understand that headlines in a study can scare if the study is not read it can mislead and understands that studies have flaws. I have been in this game a long time and you bet I have researched it plenty.

As for the adoptees, my point is that every adopted child longs for a family that did not raise them. Many go through their lives with lots of hurt and many questions. I am certain someone who feels a sense of abandonment has a much different story than one with a sharpened guitar string tattoo. It is unfortunate that an overwhelming majority doesn’t even think about adoption but every infertile woman does consider it.

Tax payers don’t pay for my treatment. I do. They don’t pay for nose jobs and they don’t pay for IVF.

Do not try and take a walk in my shoes. They do not fit you.