Why do some people think they gave the right to criticise an “older” mother?

I’m sick of it!!

I’m 38 and expecting my second (naturally conceived) baby. I don’t look or feel 38 but its there on my birth certificate. My husband is younger (27). I have a three year old son already.

I hate reading the bile and hatred which gets spewed in the media toward some “older” mothers – ie we’re all selfish “have it all” careers women using IVF to have babies we’ll eb too old to care for etc etc. Utter crap.

How would you accuse my cousin – who’s been ttc since she was 24 and has endured 16 years of infertility, several m/cs, ectopics, failed IVF cycles and adoption attempts. She’s 41 and about to have her first – total surprise (naturally conceived) baby, and we’re all delighted for her after 16 years of pain. Is she “selfish”? Not at all!! She would have been a mum at 24 if nature had cooperated.

Why have I had children in my 30’s and not my 20’s? Because my 20’s were not the right time for me to have kids. The man I was with didn’t want them and tbh I wasn’t really interested in children then. I was too busy living my life. I’m not in any way a “career” woman but there were things I was trying to achieve and do in my 20s which took precendence over babies.

I didn’t really feel ready for children until I reached 32 (with a new partner) and it took us 18 months to conceive our son (my husband had the problem not me). Same again with this baby – its taken 18 months to conceive so hey ho I’m 38. We haven’t used any form of IVF or artificial fertility treatment.

I have no problem with being “older”. This is the right time for me to have children. I feel ready and settled and able to be a good mum. My mum was older when she had me so I see nothing wrong with it I didn’t miss out on anything because my mum was about 10 years older than some of my friends mums.

I had a perfect, easy pregnancy and natural delivery with my son and it looks like I’ll be lucky this time too. As for the “risks” of downs etc, well I’m not even having the tests. I’d love my child regardless. I would never abort a baby because they weren’t “perfect”.

So why all the bigotry? I feel just as angry about stupid thoughtless teenagers who get knocked up to get a council house as some people feel about “older” mums. These silly little girls with no money, no home and no clue are the selfish ones not sensible women who are in a more stable position to have children.

The reasons for having children younger don’t always work out anyway. My mother in law started having babies at 19 (she was trying to get knocked up at 16, despite having no money, no job, no partner and nowhere to live – responsible eh?) so that she could “be young enough to enjoy her grandchildren”. But she never sees them as she lives 250 miles away!!! So what was the point? My elderly mum sees more of my son than she does. (And yes it does make me a little sad that she can’t do as much with him as she could have done 10 or 15 years ago. But thats my only regret.)

So stop with the bigotry. I am so looking forward to the next 20-30 years of my life and have never felt more positive!

And BTW noone EVER picked on me at school for my parents being a bit older. Thats a really stupid idea.
Suze – I am not criticising ALL young mothers (most excellent mums) but just highlighting the fact that SOME young mothers could also be described as selfish and irreponsible for getting knocked up when they don’t even have a roof over their heads! But less vitriol is directed at them than at women who are in their 30s . . .
LeAnn – my 17 y/o little sister in law is currently deliberately attempting to get pregnant so that she and her boyfriend can get a council flat and she won’t have to work. To me that is utterly stupid, irresponsible and selfish. Its people like that who make me mad!!
Wacel – you paltry attempts at personal insults (insinuating that I must somehow be “immature” even though you don’t know anything about me) are laughable. The fact that you have not even read my post and the fact that I have categorically stated that I am not opposed to ALL young mothers, just those who use pregnancy and benefit dependency as a lifestyle choice invalids anything you have to say on the subject. You have not read the full content of my post so how can you comment on it?

People with weak arguments always resort to personal insults. Its deeply pathetic.

has anyone tried acupuncture?

I am 25 and me and my husband have been trying for at least 4 years nothing ..went through a bunch of testing every month ,still nothing. our doc says there should be no reason why i can’t get pregnant..except for the hormonal imbalance which can be easily fix with meds or herbal supplements..well i decided after a year of treatment to take a break because all the meds he was pumping into me where doing nothing but making me gain weight and making me depressed all the time to the point where my sex drive went plummeting and i could not be around pregnant people without crying after wards or sitting in my house for weeks with out talking..so after doing a bunch of research i decided to try changing our life style eating healthy, exercise(not to much though),and taking herbal supplements which has been working i have been regular for 3 months, and i want to know if anyone has tried acupuncture for infertility? i heard and did research that it has the same chance or better chances then IVF..i want to further my natural ways..or if yo have any other info i might not know about would be great to
thank you

How many IUI’s should I aim for?

My husband and I have been advised by the doctor to go for IUI/Artificial insemination now. My insurance will cover 8 cycles of IUI and 4 of IVF. My husband I were wondering if 2 rounds of IUI should be enough to test if it works? I do not want to discuss here the reasons of infertility, but what I am looking for on this portal is advise from people who may have gone through this process. My doctor kind of agrees that 2 rounds of IUI should be enough. I will turn 30 in Jan 2011 so hoping to get pregnant by then. But knowing how difficult IVF is, I was thinking if we should watch up to 4-5 rounds of IUI and if God forbid, those attempts fail, then proceed for IVF? Knowing there is a 1-2% increase in deformities in a baby is the worst part. We want a healthy baby, do not want to take any chances in adding to a situation which might increase the danger. If it were to happen in a natural birth, it’s beyond our control but don’t want to increase the chances, you know? The biggest pain for people is to see children who cannot look after themselves or see their children in poor health. I am a homemaker so resting after IVF shouldn’t be too difficult to do but the concern for child’s betterment and treatment’s complications worry me. Sincere thanks to all those willing to offer suggestions and answer my question!

Irregular period help?

I am going to the doctors tomorrow as I have been TTC for a about 9 months now. I know that normally a doctor wouldn’t talk about infertility or trying to work out why I haven’t conceived until we have been trying for a year but I am only 22. He is 24. Surely we should have conceived by now.
Most of my problem is that my period is so irregular that I can’t chart when I would be ovulating. To overcome this though we have been having sex every other day or every day which is what we would be normally even if we weren’t TTC. My period seems to range anywhere between 14-33days.
I was on the pill before TTC and when I stopped we used condoms for two months to give my body a bit of time to return to it’s natural cycle. Before I started taking the pill my period was the same and I spoke to my GP who said that it was probably just because my cycle hadn’t settled down and prescribed the pill to try and make life a bit easier. Since stopping the pill almost a year ago I have acne again also which is not helping. I have also been suffering from anemia which would have normally been fixed by taking iron tablets but since stopping the pill to me it doesn’t feel like it is helping as much as it once was. I have tried google and the only thing I can come up with is PCOS. I spoke to my friend who is a nurse and said it is possible and that I should go talk to my doctor about not having conceived yet and irregular periods. I just really don’t know how to bring up this topic with my doctor. I am worried she is going to tell me I’m to young to be TTC even though her opinion doesn’t matter to me. How should I bring up the subject? Could it really be PCOS? If it is how long will it take for me to get diagnosed and start a ‘treatment’ to be able to conceive? What else could it be? I have an appointment for tomorrow lunch time and panicking about it as I never thought we would have a problem conceiveng.