Jenny asks…
Please help me in this crazy pregnancy situation (10 points for best answer)?
Alright I’m facing a real problem here. This is pretty hard to go through. My girlfriend is extremely concerned about being pregnant but the problem is it might not be my child. So here is our situation.
She had a devastating breakup about 7 months ago with her boyfriend of two years. He once told her he loved her, and although she won’t admit it I think he just told he loved her so he could have sex with her. He broke her heart saying hes not in love with her anymore, and she didn’t understand it. I don’t know the whole story but the friendship they had ended when he called her dirt, spat on her. And slept with her best friend.
Now during those months she was devastated she was heart broken, and she couldn’t trust guys she hated guys. She would spend a lot of nights getting drunk and having one night stands. Most of them mistakes. My guess is she was taken advantage of a lot of time. But at the same time shes very sexual so she didn’t put up much of a fight.
Two months ago when she now knew me but she just had a crush on me. I didn’t make a move as quickly as she would of liked. She ended up having one last night one stand . Her mom just had her start birth control, and she had unprotected sex. She told the guy make sure he pulled out but he never did. Instead he stopped pretty early and told her she needs to take a break. And he just left, she thinks he went in her
Couple weeks later I made a move. At the time I didn’t know much about her past. She was really sweet and cute and appeared innocent at work. All I really knew is she had the biggest crush on me and it was no secret. She is absolutely beautiful so how could I resist.
Everything felt so natural and came together quickly. She has fallen in love with me, she trusts me. And I am exactly what shes looking for. The one thing that’s always been weird is. Every single time we have had sex its been unprotected. Shes on birth control but we have never had protected sex. We talked about condoms but she never pushed them on me, and in her past all her sex was protected before this one guy and of course me. The difference being every time I have pulled out and we have had sex about 25-30 times now.
So she thinks shes pregnant. She often feels tired, she has to pee a lot, her breast are tender, and we have both noticed they have gotten bigger. She didn’t have her period this weekend when it was expected and still has not had it. And apparently she had her period after she was with this guy and with me but she says it could be break through bleeding and it was not her actual period.
So Thursday we are going to get her a pregnancy test. I have been really supportive of her. But things are not looking good these are noticeable changes and its scary. I have to be supportive and make her feel better, but at the same this is tearing me up. The girl I love can be carrying a baby and that should be wonderful. But not at this point in my life. I’m 19 years old and not ready for this. She is 16 is definitely not ready for this.
The only hope is that she took a Plan B after what happened with this guy. She was hoping that was the end of it. We are going to find out Thursday for sure. She has already asked me if I would take her to get her an abortion so her mom would never know. I don’t know if I can do that, but its her decision and I have to support her.
This is extremely difficult, please need some opinions or answers or something. I honestly don’t know what to do. If its my kid I don’t want her to get an abortion. But if its not I don’t know what I want. I don’t want to be the father of a bastard child that’s not mine. I don’t want her to kill the baby though. I don’t know what to do.
10 points for best answer please offer some advise or support or something.
Michelle answers:
It sounds to me like if she is pregnant then it would most likey be yours…MOST women find out at about 4 weeks… You HAVE to tell her how you feel. That if it is yours you don’t want to see her abort it… Also if you really do love her you could man up and take the child as your own just because it isnt your doesnt mean you can’t love it. In my eyes abortion is wrong…. But I can’t make any decisions for you. But you both thought you were adult enough to have unprotected sex so you should have thought about having a baby. It’s not fair for a baby to loose their life because the parents are “too young”. Don’t have sex if you don;t want a baby… Sex is fro procreation… Not just pleasure. There are millions of couples out there who can never have babies on their own and if you feel you can’t take care of a baby then you should think about making someone elses dreams come true!
Linda asks…
How Can I Deal with this pregnancy woe?
Hi all..
Kind of a personal question that has been troubling me for quite sometime.
As a child I was told that i could not have children , I have always talked myself out of wanting babies but my motherly instinct was kicking in and i felt horrible , as i grew up i got over it it was never something that played on my mind and i talked myself out of it .. now i am older and I have fallen in love with a wonderful man , he wants to have babies , and what options are open to us , and i realize how much it is killing me inside now that i want to have his children that i cannot.
There is a possibility i could be surrogate with a donor egg but the pregnancy could kill me so he doesn’t want that. the other option is my sister offered to carry the baby and I can accept that as she is the closest possible thing to me , but I don’t think that this satisfies him 100% as he very traditional and wishes we could do it all ourselves.
I’m wondering really how can we cope with this heartache together and accept a Solution and how have i help him to see that the alternative is just as natural when I myself feel like in vitro isn’t proper, I would rather carry them and risk myself… any thoughts or guidance?
Michelle answers:
If he wants to have babies but only if those babies are the product of his wife’s womb then, sorry, but he should have broken off the relationship when he found out you were infertile. Its not fair on you to expect something that you can’t provide.
If he really loves you then he will have to face either having no kids or making a compromise – ie surrogacy or adoption. He must know that he can’t have everything his way.
Lisa asks…
my sister is 35 weeks along in her pregnancy and I need some comfort advice?
ok she is my little sister she turned 14 on the 23rd of last month
yes I know she got pregnant at 13 please not asking for people to judge… if you have to judge then take it out on me for being an AWFUL sister I wish I had told her about safe sex when our parents refused because they thought it would make her do it any way >.> but yea we see what ship we are sailing now don’t we… she wants to keep them (she is having twins) and our parents said after the birth if she hasn’t come to her senses and put them up for adoption then she has to move out. so she will be living with our 20 year old brother… I love my sister dearly so I my self need some comfort in letting her go.
but on with the few things she is worried about number one she is afraid of the labor pains she never was good at handling pain but our mom said she had to have a natural birth if she didn’t abort it so I told her if I was allowed in the hospital room with her then I’d hold her hand (I’ve heard horror stories about this please don’t tell me to not do this she needs me more now then ever and I can’t be afraid of a little hand pain) 2 she is worried she won’t make a good mother but she said she wants to try my brother said he would help too but she is still worried.
3 she is also worried that she or the babies (possiably both) will not live through the birth because she is so young I know there are risks for child birth but at 14 I’m not sure if the risks increase or not
so I need some help and advice that I could give to her for taking care of the twins and how bad can the pain be for her because of her age?
and is there any increased risks because of her age?
details I know for sure are that she did not have her period when we figured out she was pregnant and that those pregnancy tests really just love to lie >.> so yea our brother took her to get tested later for anything sexaully transmitted she was fine and then it was found out she was pregnant so yea thats about all I know that could possiably have any effect on the children or her but I really do need some advice from some one who has gone through child labor I’m freaked for her she’s freaked for her babies and my brother is just excited to have little babies coming that he can father =.= he is a lovable idiot
yea I had her get one of those you pee on it said she wasnt pregnant so we ignored the matter till our brother had discovered the secret of her 1 fling and took her for real test at a hospital
Michelle answers:
I’m sorry that you would have to go through such a hard thing and that your sister also has to deal with something so mature. But you don’t have to let her go at all, instead she will need your love and support even more with either decision that she makes. Now with many twins they usually do a c-section before they are term and I’m thinking because of your sisters small body and the development of her body they will also take her twins early if possible and she will definately have pain relief. I don’t believe that your mother is making a realistic judgement by telling her that she has to have them naturally, because I’m pretty sure she wants to use the pain as a weapon against your sister. She probably figures that she won’t do it again if it really hurts. BUT this is not the way to teach your sister about birth control.
I think that your sister needs to go to planned pregnancy or another like program to discuss her options. I for one can truely understand her not wanting to give up her little ones and cannot blame her for doing her best with what she has. BUT she is very very young and most of her life and their life will be filled with hardship if she decides to keep them. But like I said I couldn’t do that so I’d imagine that she probably won’t either.
She should start planning and get in contact with as many government programs as possible if your family cannot help her. Get as much education as she can and join a support group. She will miss most of her own childhood but in the end it’s her own choice…may she make the right one and may she understand what she is giving up with that choice.
Knowledge is power…and it’s free for all
Nancy asks…
i just found out i’m having a missed miscarriage.should i have a d&c or go natural?
i have a healthy 8 month old little girl.and this would have been my second.i was 8 weeks and 2 days when i found out.i’m scheduled for a d&c monday.but i’m going to call and tell them i prefer to do it natural.i’ve been doing alot of research about both and they come with risk no matter how little the odds are of those things happpening it can still happen.
just n case someone does’nt know what a missed miscarriage is it’s when the body still thinks it’s prego even though the fetus has been passsed.so i have no bleeding yet and i still have all my pregnancy signs.the only thing that has changed is my boobs are less sore:-(
is anyone on her has or know someone who has had a missed misscarrige what did they chose,how far along were they,and why did they chose that.
Michelle answers:
The reason its a missed miscarriage is because your body isnt passing it nautrally. I would recommend you do the d&c to be honest. The longer the tissues stay in there, the higher your risk for infection. My friend had a miscarriage at 15 weeks pregnant. The ultrasound showed her baby had passed away ay 9 weeks. She carried a non-vital baby for 6 weeks without even know. It could take you that long to pass this baby nautrally. Do you really want to walk around for 6 weeks feeling pregnant and knowing the baby isnt alive anymore? I know I would rather get it done and over with and grieve for my baby. Not be sad now knowing my baby is no longer alive and then feel even worse weeks down the road when I start to pass it. Its up to you though. I’m sorry for your loss.
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