Robert asks…
How to deal with others’ negative remarks during pregnancy?
I am 21 weeks pregnant and find that every time the subject of my pregnancy comes up, people have only negative things to say. It’s like they are just dying to list off every negative thing about their birth experience and having a child.
I’m taking the Bradley Method course…it’s 12 weeks long. I changed healthcare providers because mine wasn’t a good fit. And I’m reading lots of childcare and childbirth books because it makes me feel good to be as mentally prepared as I can.
Anytime anyone finds out about these things I have to hear things like, “you’ll never use anything you learn in that class, you’ll forget it all,” or “it doesn’t matter who delivers you, it’s still going to be awful,” or “you need to stop reading so much, it’ll stress you out and that’s bad for the baby.”
We really want to shoot for a natural childbirth, and we cite that as one of the reasons we’re trying to be so prepared. But this is probably the thing that most gets ridiculed. I always hear “you’ll change your mind at the time” and “You’re going to be begging for an epidural.”
All of this is really driving me crazy. I’m trying really hard to adopt a calm and positive mindset about this. I can’t imagine why people would say such things.
What should I say when they say these things? (I never know how to handle them.) Should I just try to avoid talking about the pregnancy? (That would be so hard.) How can I shake off their negativity?
Thanks! 🙂
Michelle answers:
If they start to give you a negative opinion, tell them you don’t want it. It’s not their place. Don’t avoid talking about your pregnancy, but maybe, with those who are known pessimists, than leave it out.
A natural child birth is best for baby and momma, it’s well known, but a lot of people don’t like it, because they weren’t strong enough to do it, and if you go through with it, it means they were weaker. Ergo, they talk to you like they do.
Just shrug it off, consider the source, and that you can be the stronger person. Always stand up for what you believe in doing, and be strong with it, and proud. Don’t leave open a door for criticism.
I’m proud, for you.
As most people should be.
Aside from those who are envious.
Congratulations, and best wishes.
Helen asks…
does labour happen around the same time in second pregnancy?
as it does in the first pregnancy.
I’ve read it would more than likely be the same.
but then again its common to hear
“oh first babies are usually over due”
I’ve got a c section booked for the 8th feb, but i’m kinda thinking of asking if i can go natural, but i don’t want to go 2 weeks over again and this sons head be too large to come out like the first ha :/
I know my dates exactly this time … last time i wasn’t sure because the was 3 days over 2 weeks it could of fell on and i didn’t pay attention to ovulation and what not … this time i kept an eye on periods and how many days between periods and when the highest ovulation thing will be hah
and i’m convinced i was pregnant longer than 42 weeks with my first … he was a bigger baby too so they weren’t too sure themselves
anyway …
that’s all a bit confusing but my question is there, just trying to explain a bit to get a bit of a clearer answer hehe 🙂
x
finnsmama … it’s not a case of i don’t feel like going 2 weeks over, if i do go 2 weeks over i’d be taken in for an emergency because of his head size … like this brother, it would seem pointless to go through labour to get stressed out and get taken in for surgery anyway … when i can just cut it out and have him out at 39 weeks :/ but i’m in 2 minds about it because i do want to have him natural but then i don’t at the same time for the above reason :/ you can’t blame me for getting scared so close to the due date … it’s only normal.
cindy – he is another big baby, bigger than my first. i’m about to turn 36 weeks and he is measuring 40 weeks, my first at this stage was a little smaller, but his head was something like 11 cm and my opening was only 9cm :/ the doctors haven’t recommended a lot other than a booking in date :/
maybe i should just stick to the surgery … or see what a bunch of pineapple and curries can do for me next week before he gets TOO big lol
Michelle answers:
Well my first, a girl, was induced at 40+1. But my next two were REALLY similar.
Both my boys (my 2nd and 3rd babies) I went into labour spontaneously at nearly the same time of pregnancy (40+2 and 40+3),
on the same day of the week (saturday night),
at the same time of day (around 10pm when labour established)
got to hospital at the same hour of the morning (sunday 2am)
both born at nearly the same time morning (7.07am & 7.21am)
delivered by the same midwife who was randomly on duty (and its a BIG hsopital so that is just weird!)
and they weighed very similar as well (8lb2oz 54cm / 8lb10oz 55cm)
So in my case my 2nd and 3rd labours were near identical. It was like a major case of deja vu!!
But my best friend had a real mix up of dates with her first even tho she knew 100% when her last period was but from ultrasounds giving off different dates she ended up going as far as 19 days overdue before they induced her. She failed to dilate past 5cm in 26 hours so she had a c-section with a 10lb baby girl with a nearly 16in head diameter!! There was no way she could’ve delivered that baby. She was well and truly over due and should’ve been born 2 weeks before at least.
She toyed with the idea of going for a VBAC her second time if labour started naturally before her c-section date but ended up going with the scheduled c-section 4 days before she was due and had a 9lb1oz baby girl. She is glad she didn’t go over as it was another big baby and her chances of delivering vaginally were slim. This time she was completely sure of her dates again and the hospital finally listened to her and took the baby on time rather than 2.5 weeks over due
I think you should do whatever your doctor recommends is medically the safest route. If it is another big baby then I might not want to chance it unless they induce you on your due date so the baby doesn’t have a chance to get too big and not able to be delivered.
Get an ultrasound within a few days before inducing so they can get an idea of what size he is and how big his head is so you can make an informed decision.
So long as you aren’t overdue you might be able to deliver him vaginally
best of luck.
Chris asks…
Hair dye when pregnant?
I dyed my hair yesterday with Loreal Natural Match (ammonia free) hair dye. This is my first pregnancy (8 weeks) and didn’t think anything of it. My blonde roots were nearing 2 inches, so I went back to my natural brown color. I read the box and didn’t see any warnings for pregnant women.
Now a few hours went by and I start worrying so I googled info about dying hair when you are pregnant and keep reading different viewpoints. ALL of my pregnancy books say its okay. Called dr’s office and they say it’s perfectly fine. Still worried!! What do you think about it?
Michelle answers:
Pregnancy books (which are most often written by mothers) and your doctor is telling it’s fine so relax. I dyed my hair during all of my pregnancies and my kids are healthy
William asks…
Why doesn’t my husband take much interest in my pregnancy?
I’m 6 months pregnant and my husband doesn’t seem to care much about pregnancy related issues. I’m having a boy and he was quite happy when we found out, but he’s usually a man to keep his emotions to himself.
He asks how I’m feeling and helps me with certain things if I’m tired but pretty much doesn’t seem to care for the baby. He doesn’t touch my belly much nor even looks at baby books I’ve bought.
My mother says ‘Pregnancy is a woman’s thing, men don’t have natural instincts with these issues.’ Should I be worry he won’t like the baby?
Michelle answers:
“a woman becomes a mother when she gets pregnant, a man becomes a father when his child is born”.
Perhaps you should tell your husband that you’re concerned he doesnt pay much attention. He might be extremely excited about it, he just doesnt show it much. Be calm, honest and dont accuse him of anything. Keep in mind that you do have pregnancy hormones messing up your thoughts and feelings, and be as reasonable as you can. If he isnt the kind of person who normally shares his feelings and is not very open, why would this be any different?
I could tell you that he’s thinking that he wishes he wasnt having a baby, or I could tell you that he dreams of little socks every night. The only person that really knows is him.
Take comfort in the fact that when he sees that baby, tha vast majority of men are transformed and their whole lives are changned to revolve around that tiny little life. Just give him 3 more months to catch up and Im sure you’ll be pleasantly surprised.
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