I am a separated married woman in love with another man.?
I have been married for a little over 3.5 years. My husband and I have a two year old child together. My husband and I met about 5 weeks before we married(and I have to admit I think I rebounded on to him). Our relationship was a complete whirlwind in the very beginning, however it was not based on anything stronger than physical attraction in the beginning. I also have to include the fact part of the reason we married so quickly had to do with immigration paperwork, We eloped, but had a wedding six months later, and got pregnant only like a week and a half after that.
During my pregnancy I started to realize we had very little in common, but we still stayed together obviously…chalked it up to hormones etc. Then our little one came along and our lives became all about our little sunshine, and even less about each other. We rarely spent any alone time, and when we wanted to “go out” with friends we took turns staying home with our kiddo, mostly myself being the one who stayed home.
I was a stay at home mom, and over the last two years, I definitely lost a lot of my self esteem, as well as my feelings for my husband. I love him dearly as the father of our child, and as a friend, but I have NO passion for him. I haven’t been in love with him for over a year and a half. He is a wonderful person, and has done no wrong. I think this mostly stems from the fact we have absolutely in common aside from our son.
Here is the main issue, A few months back I began working nights at a restaurant as a cocktail server in the bar area of the restaurant. I started to feel better about myself having adult conversation again outside of home. My self esteem started to improve. I started making friends with some of my coworkers, and my husband began to be jealous of this, and resentful of me working which made me want to keep working even more. I began to look forward to more time away from him. One fateful day I was invited to an event by some coworkers in the beginning of August of this year, and ended up having a really long conversation with one of them. HOURS long. We hit it off immediately. We had/have so many things in common and there was unmistakable spark between us. That day was just friendly, but the day after that he and I agreed to grab a drink after work and talk some more…and ended up kissing. It has been all downhill from there, as we have gotten closer and closer, have gotten intimate, and have kept this up until now, which is about three months since it began. We have both developed extremely strong feelings.
My husband and I agreed to separate a few weeks ago and I have been living in my own apartment with my child and share custody with my husband. My husband wants for us to work on our marriage while we are separate, and wants to “go on dates”with each other, and I have agreed to this, but I feel like I am prolonging the inevitable. Since moving out I have felt so much better, and honestly I really don’t miss him.
MY question is, are my feelings for this other man just because of my own unhappiness in my marriage, or do you think there is a possibility of something special there some day? He makes me feel the way no one has made me feel in a really really long time. He is so vibrant and exciting, and fun, and he is very similar to me in personality without it being creepy. It feels so right and natural to be with him. Two nights ago, he told me he wants to stay friends but he can’t continue to be intimate because he hates being the other man and I don”t blame him. He really is a good person himself and feels miserable about being in the middle of my situation. Í feel like a divorce is in order, but I need to wait to file until I can get some things in order. I really feel like this person, is a person I could really see myself being close to in the future…maybe not right away due to the situation, but soon. I feel like I am losing my best friend because he is trying to take a step or two back. He says he will wait for me. Do you think that is true?